My personal journal

2008-12-03T03:08:00.000-08:00

been through a lot recently
finally seeing some light
thanks to friends
you know who u are

a true man may not be the "best fighter"
he may not be a jerk
neither is he nice
he is just a normal person who does the right things

a true man is someone who is calm enough to think
able to control his temper
not by vending his anger on others
or by keeping everything to himself
most importantly he is able to see things from a different angle
even when everything is against him

a true man understands the fact that we'll all be eventually alone
being able to grab opportunity and know when to let go

a true man is brave enough to admit his failure
but determine to get up from set backs

a true man is humble to learn from others
while standing firm on his principles
being flexible when necessary and not stubborn

perhaps my previous thoughts of a man is wrong
when i try to inflict pain in myself
trying to numb myself in vigourous training etc

i should never mix training with emotions
because this is not what training is about
fitness should be a passion
not a place for you to vend your anger, unhappiness
life is too tough if i train this way
because i can never be good enough
when my mind is not clear
i can never achieve what i want

i thought i'm matured
but when it comes to emotions
i'm still a kid

as a man, i must be brave enough to admit my weakness
and learn to be a "true man"

sit back, play my guitar , enjoy the private moment and smile
i'm so glad that i'm starting to see light =)

entry out

2008-11-20T12:45:00.000-08:00

watch the below video

it's indeed one of the greatest love story of all time
a love for a father who would do anything for his son

the last part where u see dick hoyt brust into tears
it shows that the emotions and thoughts he's been through
i believe no one can understand his true feelings
but we can only watch and respect this old man
how he created such a miracle
and give inspirations to many professional/amateur athletes

ironman race:
3.86 km ocean swim ; 180 km bike ride ; marathon 42.2 km

it's time to do more things in my life
stop wasting time
"live a meaningful life"

entry out

2008-11-07T03:02:00.000-08:00

celebrated my 23rd birthday in waraku with the judo club
joanne gaved me 2 packets of gummies
kim hoo, garrick and amanda gave me 1 kg of mix gummies
amy gave me a lollipop !
really appreciate it
meeting the secondary sch gang in friday night

i've stop training for 4 days
after experiencing left side chest pain
went to polyclinic on thursday morning
referred to alexander hospital A & E
did X-ray & ECG
apparently doctor told me he did not find any problem in heart and lung
but i still gotta take extra precaution when training
and he even told me i'm in a very good shape now
esp. after i lift up my shirt for him to listen to my heart beat

after i'm certified "fit"
it's time i go all out for judo training
i really need to train harder
there are so many better players
i've stop judo for 8 years?
its time to catch up what i've lost

anyway i need to get fxxking fit
i'm serious
i hate losing in sparring
no longer the nice and kind marco a year ago
controlled rage is something i work towards
i need to be smart and aggressive in fights

just like a snake
stalking and subdueing it's prey
tactical in applying it's moves
ruthless in killing
*in the animal kingdom, fittest survive

violence is the only way to cure my pain
it is a pain that i have with me
the pain to change to a new marco

entry out

2008-11-02T19:12:00.000-08:00

i finally know where is my limit
first time in my life i experience multiple core muscle dysfunction
had a damn hard time trying to get up of bed
neck, abs, back, tricept and thigh are restricting my movements
using the technique of rolling the body over and get up
without straining the back and neck muscles

this is a result of over training
i over estimated my body
the past 4 days is intensive and i've fully understand the limitations of human
i guess is time to rest a few days until i fully recover from this ordeal

time is running out
and i can't afford to waste any more time
i'm still considering whether to participate the ironman next march
4 months to train for it

with other factors to consider such as studies, judo , injuries and work
am i still able to overcome such a tough race?
should i push myself once more?
i know where is my limits
but can i push even further ?

i believe this is a problem faced by many athletes
and some died while looking out for this answer
i hope i have the good fortune and wisdom to overcome it

i don't want to live forever
i just want to live my dreams

2008-10-27T14:31:00.000-07:00

had another round of kuishinbo last sat
yeah food is good and money well spent
after that went for the ub bash with sim judo

the bash is fun
everyone is enjoying it
seen some "exciting" moments in the club
some malay try to pick a fight with some bengs
i was kind of looking forward to see some actions
but well, it turn out to be just "dare"

i hate it when people told me i'm "fatherly"
esp. the girls
i hate it when i'm seen as such a figure
although it's a compliment but i just don't like it
maybe i shd not take care of them
juz leave them drunk in the club
it is easier to be said than to be done
my heart is too soft to see my friends like that
maybe thats just me
heart soft

next day
late for my appointment at 11am
felt super screwed up
after that went judo trg
good training
sweat at least 1 litre
utilising every single strends of muscles available
i'm getting stronger after every trg
i love the feeling of aching when i woke up the day after trg
need to peak myself before injuries kicks in
if only my body can recover faster
i wish i can train 7 times a week
but i know my body only can take 3 times
excluding the fact that i'm using the break in between to train for running and swimming

the insane period is here
i'll be looking towards competition
i want to win

entry out.

2008-10-25T01:20:00.000-07:00

it has been some time since i start to like someone again
the previous one is a joke
i shall not talk abt it

anw. i'm feeling human again
i feel happy with her
a very fun and interesting person to be with
can talk abt anything from work ,life , music to studies
treating her like a small sister for now
bully her whenever i have the chance ! keke

shall not think too much either
definitely the feeling is rather positive

i enjoyed being single
"emo" is never the word to describe myself
a man must only be strong and stronger

she ask me are u mcp ?
will u control your gf?
my ans: i always believe man must be stronger and better than one's partner
i won't try to control her from being better than me
but i will make sure i am stronger and better
how? constantly upgrading myself, stronger determination and motivation to excel in ones career , both physically and mentally

am i being egoistic? no. i respect women with all their rights
women are so noble because they are the mothers who gave birth to us
shower us with all the love in this world
i won't be what i am today without my mom
and i also believe that women are better than men in many ways
however, i believe this is just what a man should be "aiming" for
and it is this spirit that charms a woman

fact of life : women love ambitious men

man should always behave like a man
wuss are weak men who are despised by women
always seek for improvement
this is something a man should be
to strive for a better life for his family

anw. tmr is another happening day
this whole week is super packed with activities
uni life is so exciting !

2008-10-15T12:59:00.000-07:00

end of dfs (diploma in financial service)
start of cfp (nov) and acca (dec)
finally it's time to get back to work
need to hit get some production before my manager starts to nag again

had a great dinner with friends yesterday in kuishin bo
lots of great food and good bonding session
my friends in judo are growing
friends in rmit are growing as well
very happy with my current lifestyle

few things i want to regain control
-must improve on my studying habit, i must not last min chiong again
-pack up the mess in my room
-start working again
-start to wake up early and do my morning physical training
-start training for the upcoming races in nov and dec
-train judo 3 times a week
-break some arms in sparring (juz kidding..)

i get to know a few girls recently
and i start to understand people more
liking is very easily generated
u just need to go out with this person, chat on msn/phone
have something similar or interesting to clique on
but i believe to love someone takes more than just feelings
but rather the commitment to stay single
and of coz other factors etc..

i'm starting to feel lucky due to my "single" status
and i get to know and interact with more people
casual going out and datings are just ways for me to understand people more
there are so many things out there waiting for me to be achieved
and i know i can only afford to stay in this way

it is a good feeling to be in love
i understand it
but can i juz extract the good thing ?
just get the good feeling and discard the negative stuff?
can.. juz stay single lor

forgetting is a very useful skill
sometimes when i just don't feel like doing something
i'll choose to forget it
life has turn me to a nasty and cunning person
which i believe it's perfectly alright
the world is only great after u realise what is nasty

we can never see the contrast between good and bad
until we ourselves have the taste of what is bad
agreeable?
sounds like some philosophy of my hardcore training
but it's true

that's why i love hardcore training
it juz matches my hardcore character
training till puking
it sucks to puke
but after puking u feel a sense of satisfaction
this is an amazing feeling
which i believe there is an explainating in sports science or psychology
and i'm just too lazy to find out the term for it

anyway, back to the topic
i'm not trying to be "emo" or what shit
recently there are people around me who keep "emo"
getting sad and down over certain issues
r/s, families , studies .. watever..
r/s in particular
i always give my advice
stop being a pussy
be a man and move on

what differentiate man with woman is not just that piece of spongy meat
it is the character that man possess

as a man u need to be strong to move on
obstacles are challenging and it makes you want to overcome it
setbacks are excuses that makes you come back, dying for more
pain is never a suffering , it is a joy
losing is not everything, but winning is
never ever look back, just move forward no matter how difficult it is

motivating?
this is how i overcome my life
it is hard and easy to be a man
but i choose to think that it is easy
because u are what u think

entry out.

2008-10-06T01:35:00.000-07:00

anyway i just realised that i've becomed a busy body
i think i shall remain focus in my own life
shall not dig into other people's shit
none of my concern anyway

back to more training !

entry out.

2008-10-06T01:10:00.000-07:00

i can feel myself getting stronger and stronger everyday
constant pushing myself to the limits
i guess this feeling has become an addiction
the feeling of overcoming while suffering in process

watching yourself getting stronger and stronger
looking in the mirror and i see the difference of half a year of training
this keep me motivated

i train not for myself nor anyone
i train because i'm addicted
it's like a drug
you are just sucked into it and the next dosage must be stronger
the craving just gets stronger and stronger
and it becomes part of my "life"

interesting ?
start training and u will understand

entry out.

2008-10-01T03:29:00.000-07:00

random thoughts...

i was told by a friend that i'm a safest driver among all the friends she had
well i'll treat that as a compliment =)

i wasn't that "safe" until i met my first accident in 14 feb 2007
yeah. embarrassing moment for me.

i guess i've toned down a bit and realised that being safe is the most important aspect of driving.

as a driver , not only are we responsible of the lives of the people inside the car we are also responsible for the well being of everyone within his/her proximity ( predestians and other road users )

it is important to keep within speed limit, check out for approaching vehicles/predestrians and also stay extra alert esp. during wet weather and late nights.

very often it is the ego that triggers the "unsafe"
eg. some lorry cut your lane , trying to impress chix thru speeding.

seriously i don't understand why chix are attracted to speed.
perhaps through speeding they can find the typical "bad boy" that they always fantasize about.

silly right? well, this is how life goes about. somethings that i can never understand.

be a "bad boy" for all you can. but risk endangering the lives of others and regret for your whole life.

so drivers, before you want to try something funny like drinking, stunts or speed.
pls think thrice .accidents are no joke. so pls don't risk , be safe.

*lastly, back passengers pls buckle up.

entry out

2008-09-26T00:26:00.000-07:00

ok seems like its time to update my blog.

The recent event happening to AIG really hit us hard. I was up the whole night when the AIG financial crisis happened on September 16, 2008. AIG's share prices fell over 95% to just $1.25 from from a 52-week high of $70.13. Then on the evening of September 16, 2008, the Federal Reserve Bank finally bail out AIG from the financial crisis , lending them a loan of $85 billion. Basically these are just the key events that happened to AIG.

If AIG is to fall, I think there will another great depression in America, where millions of policy holder will lose their life insurance, pension fund, retirement fund and savings. People will over react like what happened recently to the Bank of East Asia (HK). More bank will go bust and creating strings of finacial down turn. Which inturn will increase unemployment and lower consumer and investor confidence. Resulting to a huge economic purge.

I shall not comment too much on how it happened or who is at fault. Because first of all I'm not a professional in investment neither am I competent enough to comment on the operations of such a big organisation. But personally I believe that it is a trategy and if I will to become a CEO one day. I'll definitely learn from what had hapened in this incident and prevent such trategy from happening again. For those who don't know how big AIG is, I can only say AIG at is peak had assets of US$1.05 trillion ( pls add 12 zeros behind).

I should thank my ACCA lecturer for her advice on the american recession months back and I've fund switch my funds to money market funds. Cutting a loss of 10-20% in my portfolio.

Okie, next is AIA. It's almost like a tsunami, wave after another. And even stronger and higher wave hitting the company. I received many calls and SMSs from friends and clients. Asking me how AIA is, whether the company is still alive. Are the insurance policy still inforce and so on... I can understand all the concerns because first of all, I am also an AIA policy holder ! Over my 2 years working in AIA I've been told that AIG is our pillar of strength and if anything is to happen to AIA, we have our BIG brother AIG to fall back on. But now the situation we are facing is. Our big brother is facing proble, will he drag us down?

Well well, to reassure everyone. Not in the words of an AIA Financial Service Consultant, but rather an independent point of view. Certain facts that all AIA policy holders should know.

1. AIG and AIA are managed by 2 entirely different managements

2. A parent company is obligated to step in if a subsidiary company faces problem, but not vice versa

MAS' Insurance Act has decreed that

1. For all Life policies, 95% of the premiums cannot be invested in offshore risks and will stay in Singapore

2. For all Endowment policies, 85% of the premiums collected cannot be invested in offshore risks and will stay in Singapore

3. All Insurance companies are required to fulfill CAR of 1.2. Meaning for every $1 worth of premium collected, Insurance companies are required to have at least $1.20 out of their own account available to take care of all obligations & responsibility to policy holders - AIA has a CAR rating of 2.1

In Singapore, MAS' overlooking of the Insurance industry is such that,

1. In the event of a collapse, another Insurance company will buyout and take over the risk without failure to undertake all promised responsibilities to policy holders as stated in their policy contract

2. AIA is currently financially strong on its own and is able to fulfill all responsibilites and obligations to all policy holders

In addition, MAS has offered their backing that AIA policy holders can be assured that their Life and Savings policies are safe and there is no emergency to cash out their policies, especially when it comes to an early termination of a policy will result in losses

Ok ! I hope everything can be over soon ! There'll be rainbow after the rain. Stay positive and take things as they come. I've been thru even worse than this. Nothing is gonna kill me. I'll move on from here ..

2008-09-07T23:53:00.000-07:00

tonight is a bloody night ...

not my blood anyway

i need to get stronger FAST
been eating and training like a mad bull
my aim - 70kg pure muscle

to be the most feared killer
defeat all my opponents

draw blood
break arms
create bruises
blackout choke
crushing body slam

my new love

entry out

2008-09-05T23:32:00.000-07:00

officially killed 2 handphone within 2 months

casualty no.1 - htc touch
reason - trip on my charger wire, causing phone to fall from table
severity - big crack in lcd , whole screen turn white
status - dead

casualty no.2 - nokia 6070
reason - crush by gym free weights
severity - a dent/crack in the lcd, half a screen black
status - unusable from right half of screen

will be using back htc touch after successful repair from the htc service centre
am i careless?
or just simply suay ?

i just close my eyes
shoke my head
still lost and stunned

what to do ?

life goes on ... ={

entry out

2008-08-24T15:37:00.000-07:00

completed my 21km today in 2hr 18 mins
a very good run
steady cruising speed , maintained all the way throughout
the best thing of all
was running with a cute girl since the 19km mark
she's some track runner for her school i guess
quite a seasoned runner
kept up to my pace all the way till end point
had a brief conversation with her right after the race
wenxi asked me, why never ask her number?
erm.. ya hoe ! dunnoe.. juz never thought about it at that point of time
well if we're fated to meet again, we'll meet again =)

Talking about girls
i really admire girls who can run
it is not about the tone body or slim legs
but rather the mental toughness that they possess
this is especially true for long distance runners

even if my future girlfriend don't run
i'll still encourage her to run
because it is thru running then you can see someone's true colour
the personality of this person
whether she's someone worth fighting for

i've seen more girls over the past few years
and i realised that character is as important as physical appearance
physical appearance creates attraction
and inner beauty is the one that generate love
both are equally important

i'll continue keeping my eyes wide to spot for such a girl
and i'll find it someday

entry out.

2008-08-20T23:48:00.000-07:00

random topic
men vs women

people always have the feeling that men are cheap
likes to cheat on their partners
likes to go geylang
only think about sex
likes to stare at other girls
only care about himself
egoistic
bad tempered

women on the other hand
being loyal to their partner
caring
always gentle and loving
cares about the family
likes the detail
always there to support u

well..
i guess this is not how things are going
just face it

there are jerks everywhere
not all women are good
same goes to men
this world is filled with jerks and sluts
but should we just generalise all guys are jerks?
or all girls are sluts?

it took me quite some time to realise that the world is never round
there are edges and blind spots
very often we stare at something
we failed to see the bigger picture

well on the other hand
being a jerk is never a bad thing
i'm a jerk *muahaha*
someone ask me do i treasure my family a lot
i can safety say
family is the most important thing in my life

friends are important
but the truth is
friends come and go
we lose friends as time goes on

some friends change you
some friends destroy you
but family is the closest thing you can ever have
your parents will never try to
harm, backstab and prevent you from success
whatever they do, they are acting on your best interest
same goes to sibilings
there is a phrase " 打死不如亲兄弟”
talking abt brother
i kind of miss him
well gotta see him again soon *dec*

okie, back to jerk
the definition of "jerk" is very hard to define
it is up to individual's discretion

i think i'm a jerk because
i'm aggressive
i'm egoistic
i look down on the weak
i like to challenge others
arrogant bastard
thinks i'm better than anyone else

well am i really a jerk?
i don't know
do i have to intention to change it?
no

well different people have different definition of jerks
i hate it when people try to be idealistic
people who are still living in their own fantasy

being soft is a sign of weakning
and i always look down on "soft"

fight or die
this is the mentality i have
if u don't fight for it
then dun expect it to happen
if you don't fight then just go and die

we fight everyday
even before we are born

when we are still sperm
we fight to get the best spot to fertilise the egg
when we are kids
we fight for our favourite toy
when we are in school
we fight to be better than our friends
when we are in society
we fight to survive

this is the spirit
"fight or die"

entry out.

2008-08-17T21:32:00.000-07:00

www.swingkpe.com.sg

i find it very weird especially when i finish registration
the website never ask me for any credit card number
then realise that it's FREE
wow. impressed, first time i joined a race that is free
so for those abled people out there
this is a good time to burn some calorie
if you stayed in the west and need a lift to tampines
do let me know

very often we are living in a virtual world
dreaming of the success
dreaming of how we achieve this and that
dreaming of something that happen so perfect for us
dreaming of money that fall down from the sky

are we dreamers that merely dream
or are we real motivated people who work towards achieving our dreams
wake up

this world is never about roses and sunshine
it is a very nasty place
there are people out there who are out to pin you down
prevent you from success
you gotta keep strong
prove to them that you are up for this game

this is life
it's a race
juz like the first 5 mins of the swim in triathlon
"every man for himself"

over the years i've learnt to become selfish
i learnt that being nice is a sign of weakening
and the only way to be strong is to keep on pushing yourself to the limits

being good is never enough
i want to be the best
even if i don't i'll still land myself in the top 3

i know where i am heading
i need more time to prove myself
for those who thought they are good enough
think twice
because i'll win you eventually

entry out.

2008-08-15T11:38:00.000-07:00

finally got back to judo training after so many years
had fun training in RI
should be moving on to our very own training ground in SIM hostel
a bit of blood , bruises , stiff neck and cut lips
yeah, just parts and parcels of judo
makes you tougher

got to chill out with the other members after the training
i'm really looking forward to the next training !

entry out.

2008-08-11T02:04:00.000-07:00

recently got to know a nice girl from SIM
sweet, well mannered, cheerful
shares similar interest with me
plays the piano and dance
most importantly we can communicate quite well
a very interesting person with multi talents

well time shall tell everything
too early to make any judgement yet
looks are deceiving
dun be cheated by inocent looks
don't come in the game with an expectation
this is what i learnt

shall apply the 36 strategems in life
life itself is a game

entry out.

2008-08-09T23:01:00.000-07:00

kind of crazy over the olympic games nowadays
watched volley ball, football, judo, weight lifting, gymnastics

i'm very motivated to train after watching the gymnastics event
those male gymnast have incredible nice and toned muslces
really aspire to have that kind of body one day

i find weightlifting very interesting
in the past i used to think that weight lifting is only about strength
but now i start to realise that this sport requires more than just brute strength
it requires strategy, technique and pure determination
the strategy to bid the weight that you are capable of clearing
because u only have 4 attempts
the technique to lift the weights correctly
determination to push beyond one's limit

the women's champion under 48kg chen xie xia
lifted 117kg in her 4th attempt
superb technique and immense pressure to win
the hopes of 1.3 billion chinese in china
all resting on this moment
well done chen xie xia !

entry out.

2008-08-06T22:21:00.000-07:00

set the correct mood
on the right form
it's time to do some follow up on the road show leads
but ..

i can't find it
spent 1 hour plus combing my messy room
still can't find them
damn
so piss off with myself
i can't imagine i'm such a screw up
how can i lose such important stuff?

well, life goes on
what to do?
i guess it's time to do some human revolution
i need to start bucking up
and change this lousy character
it's a joke if i will to become a successful accountant one day
and my room, table is in a mess
i really hate myself
it's time to do something

entry out.

2008-08-06T01:16:00.000-07:00

a hamster that stuff all the seeds into it's mouth
chewing even before it can swallow it

this is the situation i'm facing
intensive work load
once again i'm facing intensive pressure
i start to feel the tiger behind me again
looks like it's time to start sprinting
and run for my life

assignment due date and test is next week
all those thoughts that try to
disturb me
distract me
demotivate me
fxxx off

i'm an angry man
and i'm not intending to control it
anger is a good way to motivate myself
so for this period i shall remain violent and angry
dun try to piss me off

entry out

2008-08-05T01:22:00.000-07:00

just some significant events that happened few days back
and some random thoughts that pass by my mind

sunday
went to visit my colleague in SGH
saturday night he was attacked by a group of malay gang
he was slashed by parangs
never expect that to happen in singapore right?
well, it happens all the time
just that we seldom heard about it
he's over critical stage
with multiple slash wounds from back all the way till his leg
i took a look at the thigh wound
i guess those guys were really out to take his life
anyway just hope that he'll be fine and recover from it
i guess the emotional trauma is as bad as his physical wounds

on our way back
we start to talk about some people that we know that got involve in fights
how violent youngster are nowadays
and the common cause to that is
girls..

then my female colleague shared with us her own experience
when 2 of her guy friends fought in the club
over her
sounds like some secondary school scene?
well, it happened and both are in their mid thirties

clubs are indeed a very interesting place
loud music blasting the ear drums
attention tends to focus on one's own thoughts rather than others
sparkling lights that makes every guy/girl on the dance floor looks attractive
alcohol tends to relax one's mind
hence a better way to socialise and open up interesting topics
people become different when they enter a club
guys become daring and start to hit on girls
girls start to feel better about themselves when guys get to know them
some times we see a very attractive opposite sex
which in real life we seldom have the chance to interact with
thats why people start to behave daringly
intimately during clubbing sessions
we are all humans
it is common to behave like that

"attraction is not a choice"
thats why again
clubs are interesting places

anyway, besides being interesting
clubs are also a place
where drunk people exchange punches
when a man's emotion is being manipulated by a woman
emotions taken over by simple thoughts

people tend to move back to the uncivilised world
law, education, wisdom, patience may run loose
in fact it is rather amusing
to see people behaving in such a manner
it is indeed a human nature

comon, lets be real
there ain't any saints
saints are only idols that we human aspired to be
no offence to anyone
but i guess this is just part of who we are
again there is no right or wrong
but i do agree that we can surpress this emotion and control it

emotions especially jealousy can change a person
you'll be surprise how jealousy can affect one's ability to make rational decision
it is different from other emotions like
anger, depression etc.
where constant training to divert attention, positive thinking
can supress that particular emotion

very often people get pushed
they panic and are unable to respond efficiently
it is thru constant practice and situation planning
then we overcome this fear of sudden change
this is why martial artist keep pushing their bodies to the limits
driving shins, knuckles, fingers into woodden logs and sandbags
toughening both the mind and body
meditation and moves visualising that better prepare for an attack
and most importantly
my own opinion ( no scientific backing)
it helps to train our mind to muster great energy in an event of an emergency
i've watched "human body" in discovery channel
they showed cases whereby human posess supernatural strength, reflex and speed
in an event of an emergency
referring to life and death situation
for eg explosion , fighting for one's life, saving the lives of others
*to be elaborate more next time
i guess i'm deviating more from "emotions"

anyway back to it
clubs are places where emotions fluctuates every second
slight movement and facial expression can deliver multiple emotions to another person
along with music, alcohol and flashing lights
it is a form of communication thru complicated mixture of correlated but confusing signals
amusing right?
i find it funny when i read thru that phrase
well at least i think it makes a bit of sense to me

i guess find some day when i'm free from work, studies and race
i'll go and observe human behavior during clubbing
sounds scientific huh
the last time round i went i was dead fuking drunk
i guess next time i shd avoid it from happening

can we behave rationally?
i guess we human can never change our human nature
we have to understand the root of the emotion
and thru knowledge and understanding
we become intellectually capable and hence able to handle emotions better

agreeable?

after the hospital visit
i went to close a case
i'm starting to feel invincible with influx of additional income !
i think i'm closer and closer to get my 5k bike
should i be rational enough to make such a decision?
well i guess studying CFP , ChFC , CLU can never equip me to manage my own finance
it is the emotion that i have to manage

once again i find myself speaking sense

k time to control that emotion
sleep

entry out

entry out.

2008-08-02T01:02:00.000-07:00

DAMN ...

sprain my neck while doing squats in smith machine
had to endure the entire PEARLs programme with a stiff neck
hate injuries
looks like next few days i have to rest and stop gyming

DAMN ...

2008-07-31T23:41:00.000-07:00

eat
shit
sleep
run
swim
gym
study
project
pearls
appointment
reports

i'm living in my own world
running my own race
isolating myself from the rest of the world

it seems like no one can understand me
i guess no one shd ever try to understand me
too complicated for simple beings to understand

alright stop wasting time
better get some sleep

entry out.

2008-07-31T00:21:00.000-07:00

dream is motivating
dream is charming
dream is addictive

yet a dream will always be a dream
unless you start to do something about it

it takes courage to start
it takes determination to continue
and it takes pride to complete

time flies
it took me 22 years to realise that
my life itself is like a dream

imagine life as a piece of paper
do you want it to be colourful?
or just pure black and white

choose your colour
choose your destiny

entry out.

2008-07-26T16:38:00.000-07:00

aviva ironman 70.3 singapore ..
registration price 370 ..
got another 2 weeks time to decide before registration close..
join or not to join ?

if i can do this ..
i think by end of the year i'll able to compete in the full ironman..
it's not about the money..
it's about whether my body take it or not..
i've been pushing my body quite hard for the past 6 months..
looking back on the past 6 months..
i'm really proud of myself..
from a normal guy i transform myself into a triathlete..
hitting the gym 4 times a week..
running , swimming , body conditioning, dieting..
sheer discipline and hard work..
and i should consider myself lucky for being injury free so far..

should i push myself further one more time?
take up this impossible challenge..
prove to myself once again

damn.. this is so hard to decide..

okie back to study ..
gotta pass tomorrow's CFP paper !

entry out.

2008-07-24T01:06:00.000-07:00

alone.. 2350 .. still in the office ..
the security guard looked at me in surprise..
"still in office?"
"yeah.. writing report .."
creepy, tired and lonely..
but deep in my heart i feel shoike..
another thousand dollar enter my pocket..
settle everything by tonight !
coz i'm not coming office tomorrow
tmr is pack with day and night classes ..

hurried pack up my stuff and got out of the creepy office..
then on the way to the carpark..
felt a sense of achievement..
suddenly thought of going to ecp..
enjoy the sea breeze..
relax myself..
but i don't think i should la..

"to do list" is always piling up..
i got a many road show leads still untouched..
got exam and races every month ..
training , studies , production are my priorities !

life is juz getting more and more exciting..
or should i say..
more and more shit is piling..?
haha, can only blame myself for taking up so much shit..
but i guess i'm really enjoying them.. =D

time to sleep..

2008-07-13T07:10:00.000-07:00

did my first olympic distance triathlon today.
very shag indeed.
strong current, scorching sun.
luckily it rain in the middle of the race.
slightly cools down the heat.

to complete a full ironman race is really xiong.
3.8km ocean swim,180 km bike and 42km run.
and the best thing of all.
you have to travel overseas to participate in one.
because they don't organise it in singapore.
singapore have half ironman.

the full ironman race is about 4 times of what i did today.
1.5km swim, 40km bike and 10km run.
the thought of finishing the race really excites me.
i'm begining to wonder when am i ready for the full ironman.

for now full ironman is a dream.
but i'll work towards achieving this dream.
provided if my body condition allows.

i had a friend who completed the full ironman.
he told me that once u've completed the full ironman.
nothing in this world is impossible.
which i totally agreed with him.

this is the life that i want.
this is what i live for.
i live for my dreams.

okie, time for more sleep.

entry out.

2008-06-29T18:30:00.000-07:00

歌曲名:别了疯子
专辑:别了疯子
演唱:王杰

王杰-别了疯子

我猜我不敢爱你
因为我早已学会了
爱的游戏
口袋再没有回忆
你习惯把手放进去
已成了过去
我白天躲进梦里
黑夜坐在熟悉的阶梯
每看到一个身影
总会觉得就是你
你就是那万人迷

我像个疯子在雨中哭泣
记不起多久没有爱过你
我今夜弹着钢琴
写了一首你的歌
想要让你知道
我是多爱你多爱你

我猜我不敢爱你
因为我早已学会了
爱的游戏
口袋再没有回忆
你习惯把手放进去
已成了过去
我白天躲进梦里
黑夜坐在熟悉的阶梯
每看到一个身影
总会觉得就是你
你就是那万人迷

我像个疯子在雨中哭泣
记不起多久没有爱过你
我今夜弹着钢琴
写了一首你的歌
想要让你知道
我是多爱你多爱你

我像个疯子拿着堆蜡笔
在墙上图满名字全是你
今夜我将化做一只白色的鸽子
徘徊在你上空永远守护你
我多爱你

entry out.

2008-06-27T23:11:00.000-07:00

Did my first mma training (mixed martial arts).
Bruises on both my chest, abs and shoulder.
I thought I'm strong, but I'm wrong.
Until I fought with a "hulk".
With his size, I think he is at least 100 kg.

That's the thing I love about mma.
Everyone fights, no weight category.
Damn, I need be much stronger.

Give me another 6 months.
I'll turn myself into a beast.

entry out.

2008-06-02T01:08:00.000-07:00

every step is a struggle
curse and swear
i have no choice but to move on
rain falls like pouring water
my eyes struggling to keep open
as rain washes down the sweat
cold, sleepy and in pain
my leg is giving up
but my mind says no
just as thoughts are running thru my head
i look up and i saw the finishing sign
then i realise
it's over
i've did it

entry out.

2008-05-25T21:30:00.000-07:00

Touching, motivating , meaningful quote from the movie "Rocky Balboa (2006)"

Marie: It doesn't matter how this looks to other people. If this is something you gotta do, then you do it. Fighters fight.

Rocky Balboa: Ya know they always say if you live in one place long enough, you are that place.

Marie: The last thing to age on somebody is their heart

*Best quote in the whole movie.
Rocky Balboa: I'd hold you up to say to your mother, "this kid's gonna be the best kid in the world. This kid's gonna be somebody better than anybody I ever knew." And you grew up good and wonderful. It was great just watching you, every day was like a privilige. Then the time come for you to be your own man and take on the world, and you did. But somewhere along the line, you changed. You stopped being you. You let people stick a finger in your face and tell you you're no good. And when things got hard, you started looking for something to blame, like a big shadow. Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain't you! You're better than that! I'm always gonna love you no matter what. No matter what happens. You're my son and you're my blood. You're the best thing in my life. But until you start believing in yourself, ya ain't gonna have a life. Don't forget to visit your mother.

"Rocky" is never about a dumb muscular boxer fighting in the ring. It is more than just exchanging blows and winning the fight. We can learn many life lessons from the quotes above.

Personal thoughts :

-Never let people stick their finger in your face and tell you you're no good. We must be strong enough to stand up and fight for our rights.

-Never shift our blame to others. Be a man and accept failure, learn from our mistakes so that we won't repeat them.

-"Cinderella" and "Snow White" are only found in fairy tales. The real world is ugly.

-Be strong, weaknings will be bullied.

-If you want to win. You gotta take some hits (setbacks).

-Fight for your dreams. Believe in yourself.

-Stop being a wuss, be a man.

Entry out.

2008-05-22T23:55:00.000-07:00

holding the icy cold beer..
dazing ..
staring at the moon ..
from view of the hammock on my balcony..
flashes of memories comes back..
i start to feel like a human..
i start to feel something..
then i realise..
it's a just moon afterall..

2008-05-18T19:31:00.000-07:00

New inspirational picture.
Reminds me of the victory that I craved for.
Dig out my inner desire to win.

2008-05-15T23:48:00.000-07:00

Quotes from Batman Begins
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0372784/quotes

Very meaningful..
Quotes that value add to my life..

Bruce Wayne: They told me there was nothing out there, nothing to fear. But the night my parents were murdered I caught a glimpse of something. I've looked for it ever since. I went around the world, searched in all the shadows. And there is something out there in the darkness, something terrifying, something that will not stop until it gets revenge... Me.

Henri Ducard: Your parents' death was not your fault.
[Bruce attacks Ducard with his sword]
Henri Ducard: It was your father's.
[Bruce furiously attacks Ducard, but is easily defeated]
Henri Ducard: Anger does not change the fact that your father failed to act.
Bruce Wayne: That man had a gun!
Henri Ducard: Would that have stopped you?
Bruce Wayne: I've had training!
Henri Ducard: The training is nothing! The will is everything!
[Ducard bests Bruce once again]
Henri Ducard: The will to act.

*The will to act?
Do we have it ?
Sounds true, will is everything.
We're living in this comfortable society.
Things are easily taken for granted.
At times we've lost the will to fight.

Henri Ducard: Your compassion is a weakness your enemies will not share.
Bruce Wayne: That's why it's so important. It separates us from them.

Carmine Falcone: Ignorance is bliss, my friend. Don't burden yourself with the secrets of scary people.

Alfred Pennyworth: Took quite a fall, didn't we, Master Bruce?
Thomas Wayne: And why do we fall, Bruce? So we can learn to pick ourselves up.

*My favourite quote from this movie.
Gives me the courage to stand up again.

I'll be stronger than yesterday.

2008-05-15T16:33:00.000-07:00

Random pix

2008-05-13T20:15:00.000-07:00

Today I chant my prayers for those who lost their lives in China and Myanmar..

May is a bad month for the world..

Let's put our hands together..

Irregardless of religion and beliefs..

Pray for the survival of those still trapped under the debris..

Entry out.

2008-05-11T23:25:00.000-07:00

A picture speaks a thousand words ..

Entry out.

2008-02-18T01:56:00.000-08:00

Read so many stories..
It's time to write my own..

I'm not going to write anymore story..
*Unless I'm damn free in the future..
Coz I had a very hard time ending the story..
It is still very "raw" coz I didn't spend much time refining the sentences..
I'll refine it when I have more time ..

从前有个男孩。从小到大，他都十分仰慕着鸟儿们飞翔的能力。看着它们自由自在的在天空中飞翔着，男孩渐渐的对鸟类产生好感。有一年的生日前夕，小男孩对爸爸说：“爸爸，爸爸，今年的生日我希望能有一只麻雀！可以吗？”，爸爸看到那天真的眼神，瑶着头的对他说：“儿子阿，我也想送一只麻雀给你，可是我们的家很穷，家里还有两大三小等着吃饭。有时候连吃都成问题，更何况是养一只鸟？不如我买一只鸡蛋给你好吗？”小男孩听了后就失落的离开了。年纪小小的他却十分懂事，他了解家庭的困境，也不想为难爸爸。可是一旦想到不能拥有那可爱的麻雀，心里十分难受。就这样，他回到房间抱着枕头静静的哭了。。

当晚，爸爸害怕儿子生他的气，静悄悄的溜进孩子们的房间。就在那黑漆漆的房间里，他听到了微薄的哭声。转身一看，才发现儿子紧抱着枕头，一个人的哭。看到这样的场面，爸爸的心碎了。他是爸爸最疼爱的儿子，也是四个孩子中最懂事的一个。爸爸为了要养活一家人，在外头拼搏苦干，为了也是希望能让孩子们得到幸福，快乐。。他万万也没想到他的那番话会带给儿子这么大的伤害。看到儿子那么痛苦，爸爸也忍不住哭了。。

那一整晚爸爸也没睡，脑袋里只想着儿子那失落与伤心的眼神。一直到隔天早晨，爸爸才下定决心，为了满足心肝宝贝的心愿。他宁可扛多几包米，吃少一点饭也无所谓。于是，他就买了一只麻雀。

小男孩起来后看到床边有着心爱的麻雀。开心极了！这不单是他的心愿也是爸爸对他的期望。小男孩于是下定决心，将来一定要成才，报答爸爸对他的爱与期望。小麻雀也从此变成了男孩生命中不可缺少的一部分。每天一下课，男孩都会到草林，寻找小昆虫来当麻雀的食物。无论他到哪里，小麻雀就会跟到哪里。就连到河边冲凉时，他都会带着鸟笼去。到了晚上，小男孩都会陪它讲话，吹口哨。天气冷的时候，他就会用布盖着鸟笼，不让麻雀着凉。小男孩总是无微不至的照顾麻雀。或许这是小男孩的第一只宠物吧？就在照顾和爱护小麻雀时，小男孩才开始找到自己，在生活里得到启发。

有一天，小男孩做了一个怪梦。在梦里，他反而变成了麻雀。在高高的天空，自由的和其他麻雀飞翔。在空中的他感到非常快乐和幸福。就当他在享受这美妙的一刻时，突然间传来“啪”的一声。原来是扑鸟人发射的枪声。他连忙向远处逃跑，不料就在那一刻间被鸟网围住了。怎么飞也飞不出大网的遭遇。被关进鸟笼的他失去自由，朋友，甚至失去生命的意义。他仿佛在笼内看到笼外的自己。

小男孩起来后十分困扰。觉得自己很自私，总是以为小麻雀需要他的保护，可是如果为了保护它而夺取它的自由，小麻雀会开心吗?对小麻雀的爱是无法形容的，爱一样东西，谁不想拥有它? 可是爱也是为了要让他人开心。就像爸爸对儿子的爱，不管爸爸多辛苦，也要儿子快乐。

面对种种困恼，小男孩好不容易才决定放走小麻雀。当他要打开鸟笼的时候,他回想着那和小麻雀的美好时光，回忆着他对小麻雀的依赖，他的第一只宠物，他的最好的朋友等等。可是不管他多爱小麻雀，他也无法原谅自己的自私，对小麻雀带来的伤害。就在他在内心挣扎时，他打开了笼闸。小麻雀看到闸一开就赶紧飞出去。它几乎毫无一丝留恋的飞向蓝色的天空。看着小麻雀飞得越来越远，和其他的麻雀在空中自由的飞翔。小男孩又掉了眼泪。。可是这次的是伤心带着祝福的眼泪。。

就这样一个月又过了。。

。“外面的生活，因该十分艰苦吧?常常要忙着找食物，同时又要顾着老鹰的袭击”小男孩望着天空想着。可是但一想到那自由和快乐的小麻雀，他就露出了充满祝福的微笑。而每天，他都会拿一些剩下的肉碎和开水放在开着闸的鸟笼里。盼望着小麻雀回来的一天。

他就是那么傻的等待。。

爱一个人不一定要拥有她，只希望她能得到幸福。
爱是给对方自由的空间，体谅和关怀。
爱就是那么愚蠢，那么的傻。
爱是天真的，就如那小男孩一样。。

您是否像他一样呢?
痴痴地等待着你的“小麻雀”?

完

2008-02-16T21:49:00.000-08:00

Juz happen to watch that show on channel 5..
"Under the Tuscan Sun"
Some quotes that I find it very very meaningful..
Taken from http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0328589/quotes

Frances: Do you know the most surprising thing about divorce? It doesn't actually kill you. Like a bullet to the heart or a head-on car wreck. It should. When someone you've promised to cherish till death do you part says "I never loved you," it should kill you instantly. You shouldn't have to wake up day after day after that, trying to understand how in the world you didn't know. The light just never went on, you know. I must have known, of course, but I was too scared to see the truth. Then fear just makes you so stupid.
Martini: No, it's not stupid, Signora Mayes. L'amore e cieco.
Frances: Oh, love is blind. Yeah, we have that saying too.
Martini: Everybody has that saying because it's true everywhere.

Frances: [voiceover] What is it about love that makes us so stupid?

*This is the one that I find it extremely meaningful..
Martini: Signora, between Austria and Italy, there is a section of the Alps called the Semmering. It is an impossibly steep, very high part of the mountains. They built a train track over these Alps to connect Vienna and Venice. They built these tracks even before there was a train in existence that could make the trip. They built it because they knew some day, the train would come.

Marcello: If you smash into something good, you should hold on until it's time to let go.

Entry out.

2008-02-16T19:05:00.000-08:00

I've read this story a few times already..
I still prefer the chinese version..

凄美悲哀的爱情故事
以下转贴的是一篇自己看得都心酸的文章：

一个详和而美丽的小镇上，有一对非常相爱的男女，他们常常都会相依在山顶望日出，相偎在海边送夕阳，每个见过他们的人们都不禁会送出羡慕的目光。幸福地祈祷。

可是有一天男人不幸受了重伤，他躺在医院的病床上几天几夜都没醒来过，白天女人就守在床前不停呼唤着毫无知觉的爱人，晚上她就跑到镇上的小教堂里祈祷上帝，她几乎快哭干了自己的眼泪。一个星期过去了，男人依然如故的昏睡着，而女人早已变得憔悴不堪了，但她仍然在苦苦地支撑着......。

终于有一天，上帝被这个痴情而执着的女人感动了，于是他决定给这女人一个例外。
上帝问她：你真的愿意用自己的生命来交换吗？女人毫不犹豫地回答：是的。
上帝说：那好吧，我可以让你的爱人很快就好起来，但是你要答应化做三年的蝴蝶，这样的交换你也愿意吗？女人听了激动而坚定的回答到：我愿意！

天亮了，女人已经变成了一只美丽的蝴蝶，她告别了上帝便匆匆地赶回了医院。结果那男人真的醒了，而且他还正在跟一位医生交谈着什么，可惜她听不到，因为她飞不进那间屋子，她只能隔着玻璃窗远远地望着自己心爱的人。几天后男人便康复出院了，但是他并不快乐，他向每个路人打听女人的下落，但没人知道女人究竟去了哪。男人整天不食不休地寻找着，他是那么地思念着她，那么地想见到她，然而早已变成蝴蝶的女人却无时无刻不都围绕在他身边，只是她不会呼喊，不会拥抱，她只能默默地承受着他的视而不见。

夏天结束了，凉凉的秋风吹落了树叶，蝴蝶不得不离开这里了，于是她最后一次飞落到男人的肩膀上，她想用自己轻薄的翅膀抚摸他的脸，用细小的嘴来亲吻他的额头，然而她微弱的身体实在不足以被他发现，一阵悲伤的哭泣声也只有蝴蝶自己听得见，她只好恋恋不舍地告别了爱人，飞向了远方。

转眼间很快便到了第二年的春天，蝴蝶迫不及待地飞回来寻找自己的爱人，然而熟悉的身影旁边竟站了一个漂亮的女人！

一刹那蝴蝶几乎快从半空中坠落下来，她实在不相信自己眼前的情景，更不相信人们口中的议论......

人们讲述着：圣诞节时男人病得有多严重，描述着那名女医生有多么的善良可爱，还描述说他们的爱情有多么理所当然，当然也描述了男人已经快乐如从前......

蝴蝶伤心极了，接下来的几天，她常常会看到自己的爱人带着那个女人到山上看日出、在海边送日落，曾经属于自己的一切，转瞬间主角都换成了另一个女人，而她自己除了偶尔能停落在他的肩膀上以外，却什么都做不了。

这一年的夏天特别长，蝴蝶每天痛苦的低飞着，她已经再没有勇气接近自己的爱人，感觉他和那女人之间的喃喃细语、他和她快乐的笑声都足以令自己窒息死去，于是在夏天还没结束之前，蝴蝶便早早地飞走了。

花开花落，花落又花开，对于一只蝴蝶来说，时间似乎只意味着这些。

第三年的夏天，蝴蝶已经没有经常去看望自己的爱人了：他轻拥着女人的肩、轻吻着女人的脸，根本就没有时间去留意一只心碎的蝴蝶，更没有心情去怀念过去。

上帝与蝴蝶约定的三年很快要结束了，就在最后的一天，蝴蝶的爱人跟那个女人举行了婚礼。

小教堂里坐满了人，蝴蝶悄悄地飞了进去，轻落到上帝的肩膀上，她听着下面的爱人对上帝发誓说：我愿意！她看着爱人把结婚戒指戴到了那个女人的手上，然后看着他们甜蜜地亲吻着，蝴蝶流下了伤心的眼泪......

上帝心酸地叹息着：你后悔了吗？
蝴蝶擦干了泪：没有。

上帝又带着一丝愉悦地说：明天你就可以做回你自己了。
蝴蝶摇了摇头：就让我做一辈子的蝴蝶吧......

失去了不会再拥有，有些失去是注定的，有些缘份是永远不会有结果的，爱一个人不一定能够拥有，但能够拥有一个人就一定要去好好尽力的去爱她。

你的肩膀上有蝴蝶吗?

Entry out.

2008-02-11T15:13:00.000-08:00

Another story I read on the net..

Let me Love You

Once upon a time, there was once a guy who was very much in love with this girl. This romantic guy folded 1,000 pieces of papercranes as a gift to his girl. Although, at that time he was just a small executive in his company, his future doesn't seemed too bright, they were very happy together. Until one day, his girl told him she was going to Paris and will never come back. She also told him that she cannot visualise any future for the both of them, so let's go their own ways there and then... heartbroken, the guy agreed.

When he regained his confidence, he worked hard day and night, slogging his body and mind just to make something out of himself. Finally with all these hardwork and with the help of friends, this guy had set up his own company...

"You never fail until you stop trying." he always told himself. "I must make it in life!"

One rainy day, while this guy was driving, he saw an elderly couple sharing an umbrella in the rain walking to some destination. Even with the umbrella, they were still drenched. It didn't take him long to realise those were his ex-girlfriend's parents. With a heart in getting back at them, he drove slowly beside the couple, wanting them to spot him in his luxury sedan. He wanted them to know that he wasn't the same anymore, he had his own company, car, condo, etc. He had made it in life!

Before the guy can realise, the couple was walking towards a cemetary,and he got out of his car and followed them...and he saw his ex-girlfriend, a photograph of her smiling sweetly as ever at him from her tombstone... and he saw his precious papercranes in a bottle placed beside her tomb. Her parents saw him. He walked over and asked them why this had happened. They explained, she did not leave for France at all. She was stricken ill with cancer. In her heart, she had believed that he will make it someday, but she did not want her illness to be his obstacle ... therefore she had chosen to leave him.

She had wanted her parents to put his papercranes beside her, because, if the day comes when fate brings him to her again he can take some of those back with him. The guy just wept ...the worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them but knowing you can't have them and will never see them again.
The End."

Is money really that important to us?
What are we trying to prove ?
What is the objective of us working so hard ?
When tomorrow may be our very last day ..

Not trying to say that we don't work hard..
But rather work with an objective..
Not just aimlessly being a slave of money..
Work towards enjoying the benefits of money..
How it can benefit our loved ones..

The girl ought to have her reasons for doing that..
Can see that her love for the guy is so deep ..
Till the extent that she rather suffer everything by herself..

To love someone is to bring him/her happiness..
Something that she know she can't provide to him..
That's why she choose to keep to herself..
This is to sacrifice her happiness for the sake of the other party..

What a sad and difficult situation..
What would you do if it happens to you?

Entry out.

2008-02-06T04:45:00.000-08:00

Reading stories just keep my brain moving..
Get me into a sad, yet comfortable mood to sleep..

Valentine Roses

Red roses were her favorites, her name was also Rose.
And every year her husband sent them, tied with pretty bows.
The year he died, the roses were delivered to her door.
The card said, "Be my Valentine," like all the years before.

Each year he sent her roses, and the note would always say,
"I love you even more this year, than last year on this day."
"My love for you will always grow, with every passing year."
She knew this was the last time that the roses would appear.

She thought, he ordered roses in advance before this day.
Her loving husband did not know, that he would pass away.
He always liked to do things early, way before the time.
Then, if he got too busy, everything would work out fine.

She trimmed the stems, and placed them in a very special vase.
Then, sat the vase beside the portrait of his smiling face.
She would sit for hours, in her husband's favorite chair.
While staring at his picture, and the roses sitting there.

A year went by, and it was hard to live without her mate.
With loneliness and solitude, that had become her fate.
Then, the very hour, as on Valentines before,
The doorbell rang, and there were roses, sitting by her door

She brought the roses in, and then just looked at them in shock.
Then, went to get the telephone, to call the florist shop.
The owner answered, and she asked him, if he would explain,
Why would someone do this to her, causing her such pain?

"I know your husband passed away, more than a year ago,"
The owner said, "I knew you'd call, and you would want to know."
"The flowers you received today, were paid for in advance."
"Your husband always planned ahead, he left nothing to chance."

"There is a standing order, that I have on file down here,
And he has paid, well in advance, you'll get them every year.
There also is another thing, that I think you should know,
He wrote a special little card...he did this years ago."

"Then, should ever, I find out that he's no longer here,
That's the card...that should be sent, to you the following year."
She thanked him and hung up the phone, her tears now flowing hard.
Her fingers shaking, as she slowly reached to get the card.

Inside the card, she saw that he had written her a note.
Then, as she stared in total silence, this is what he wrote...
"Hello my love, I know it's been a year since I've been gone,
I hope it hasn't been too hard for you to overcome."

"I know it must be lonely, and the pain is very real.
For if it was the other way, I know how I would feel.
The love we shared made everything so beautiful in life.
I loved you more than words can say, you were the perfect wife."

"You were my friend and lover, you fulfilled my every need.
I know it's only been a year, but please try not to grieve.
I want you to be happy, even when you shed your tears.
That is why the roses will be sent to you for years."

"When you get these roses, think of all the happiness,
That we had together, and how both of us were blessed.
I have always loved you and I know I always will.
But, my love, you must go on, you have some living still."

"Please...try to find happiness, while living out your days.
I know it is not easy, but I hope you find some ways.
The roses will come every year, and they will only stop,
When your door's not answered, when the florist stops to knock."

"He will come five times that day, in case you have gone out.
But after his last visit, he will know without a doubt,
To take the roses to the place, where I've instructed him,
And place the roses where we are, together once again."

A sad.. Yet loving story..
It must be hard for the man to write such a letter to his wife..
Especially when he knew that he's going to die..
The extent of love stretched beyond his death..

I could visualise this old man..
Writing the letter..
Despite of the fears of death..
And the sadness of losing his wife..
He tried to put up a strong front..
Urging his wife to carry on with her life..
He knew that the love between them is so strong that..
She couldn't live without him..

Perhaps through this story..
We can all see what is meant by "true love"
And also learn to appreciate things around us..

Entry out.

2008-02-05T12:10:00.000-08:00

I love this song by U2..
The lyrics are very meaningful and motivating..

U2-Stuck in a Moment You Can't Get Out Of
I'm not afraid
Of anything in this world
There's nothing you can throw at me
That I haven't already heard
I'm just trying to find
A decent melody
A song that I can sing
In my own company

I never thought you were a fool
But darling look at you
You gotta stand up straight
Carry your own weight
These tears are going nowhere baby

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And now you can't get out of it

Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

I will not forsake
The colors that you bring
The nights you filled with fireworks
They left you with nothing

I am still enchanted
By the light you brought to me
I listen through your ears
Through your eyes I can see

And you are such a fool
To worry like you do
I know it's tough
And you can never get enough
[Stuck in a Moment You Can't Get Out Of lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

Of what you don't really need now
My, oh my

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

Oh love, look at you now
You've got yourself stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

I was unconscious, half asleep
The water is warm 'til you discover how deep

I wasn't jumping, for me it was a fall
It's a long way down to nothing at all

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if our way should falter
Along the stony pass

And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if your way should falter
Along this stony pass

It's just a moment
This time will pass

2008-01-25T22:30:00.000-08:00

Watched Rambo 4 with my dad just now..

Anyway Rambo 4 rocks..
In the show Rambo mentioned..
"you want to live for nothing.. or you want to die for something.."

Somehow it relates to my entry yesterday..

Slyvester Stallone is my motivator..

Below is an article written by Adam Khoo..
I used to think that he's just a brainless muscular action star..

After reading the article..

I changed my perspective towards him..
Start to relate his life into his movies..

His determination..
And of course “pride"
He is someone who is willing to sacrifice for his dreams..
I admire his preserverence ..
And he definitely deserve the success..
Perhaps we can all learn something out of his life story..

“‘Dopey’ Sylvester Stallone- Made his Dream of Stardom a Must"
By Adam Khoo

Surely one of the best examples of the power of commitment and how ‘doing whatever it takes will get you what you want’ is the story of Sylvester Stallone.

At his peak, Stallone was one of the most popular and highly paid stars in Hollywood, commanding a fee of US$20m per movie. Was he just born under a lucky star? Was he a naturally talented actor? Was he at the right place at the right time? Hardly. He was someone who seemed to have all the odds stacked up against him.

His family was so poor that his mother had to give birth to him on the doorsteps of a school. A blotched delivery by students caused a facial nerve to be severed, leaving him paralyzed on the right side of his face. As a result, Stallone had to live the rest of his life with slurred speech. He even had to deal with having a drooping lower lip and being made fun of because of his name ‘Sylvester’ (associated with the Looney Tunes cat). Despite all these limitations, young Stallone dreamed of becoming an actor and inspiring millions of people through his movies.

As you know many young people go through a phase of wanting to be an actor, a star …the difference between Stallone and the rest of youthful dreamers was that his dream was not a merely wishful thinking. To Stallone, it was an absolute must. He was truly committed to doing whatever it took to make it happen.

First he enrolled in acting school and then started going for auditions. Predictably, with his wooden acting, his dopey looks and his slurred speech, Stallone was rejected for every part he applied for. But he never gave up. Doggedly he just kept changing his strategy and taking action.

The way he landed his first part is a fine example of how he was willing to do whatever it took. When he was rejected after yet another audition, he pulled up a chair in front of the manager’s office and sat down, refusing to leave unless they gave him a chance. After sitting there for hours, they were so moved by how much he wanted a chance that they relented and gave him a part. Although he appeared for a couple of minutes (as an extra), it gave him that first breakthrough he was after.

Unfortunately, that experience was followed by yet another string of unsuccessful attempts at getting another acting job. At that point, his wife told him to give up his ‘stupid dream’ and get a real job. His reply was, ‘ If I get another job, I would lose the only thing I have got going for me…my hunger.’ ‘By quitting and getting a job, I would be selling out on my dream’.

Stallone eventually wound up so broke and desperate that he was forced to sell his dog for $50 in order to survive. It was the saddest moment in his life because his dog was the one friend he had got left.

At this, the lowest point in his life, he watched a boxing match between then world heavyweight champion Muhammed Ali and Chuck Wepner, an underdog that everyone thought would be defeated within three rounds. What no one expected was Wepners’ determination and tenacity. He lasted the total of fifteen rounds with Ali, just refusing to go down.

Sly was so inspired by what he saw that he had visions in his head about a movie that he was going to write. He started writing profusely for 72 hours non-stop until he finished the manuscript for ‘Rocky’. He was so excited by the script because in his mind he knew that this was going to be the movie that would change his life and his fortune.

But when he went round attempting to sell his script, everyone felt that it was too predictable and that nobody would be interested in watching a movie about boxing. But he didn’t give up. He kept on going and going until one company made him an offer of 125,000 for the script and the rights to make the movie. This should have made Sly overjoyed but his dream was to be an actor and not a writer.

So, he told them that the condition of sale was that he be cast as the lead actor. They objected saying, ‘You’re a writer! you’re not an actor!’ ‘There is no way we will let you act!’ But Sly stood his ground and refused to sell the script if he wasn’t the lead actor. They even increased their offer to $250,000, but Sly kept insisting that he fitted the role of ‘Rocky’, and no one else. Although he was broke and hungry, he refused to sell out his dream for a six- figure pay check. That was his level of commitment!

Eventually they reluctantly agreed, on the condition that the movie be made on a shoe string budget of less than a million dollars and Stallone would get only $35,000 for the writing, directing and acting. Sly would however, get a percentage of the profits, if the movie made money. He agreed immediately.

The first thing Sly did when he got his money was to go in search of the man who bought his dog to buy it back. When he finally tracked down the man, he offered to buy his dog back for $100. The man declined his offer saying that he was not interested. Sly upped his offer to $500. Still the man refused. Sly again upped his offer, this time to $1000. The man still would not budge saying, ‘No amount of money will ever convince me to sell this dog.’

While most of us would give up at this point, Sly knew that if he was committed to do whatever it takes, he would find a way. Eventually he did get his dog back. He paid the man a whopping $15,000 and also gave him a part in the movie as part of the deal.

When Rocky was launched at the box office, it grossed over $225 million and was nominated for ten academy awards (including best actor), eventually winning an Oscar for Best Picture & Best Director. Sylvester instantly shot to fame as an action star and lucrative offers came in for future blockbusters, which were to eventuate in First Blood, Rambo and the Rocky sequels. His eventual success came from the fact that to him, becoming an actor was truly a must. He believed that when you are committed enough, there is always a way!

About The Author:
Adam Khoo is an entrepreneur, best-selling author and a self-made millionaire by the age of 26. Over the last 15 years, he has trained over 245,000 professionals, executives and business owners to tap their personal power and achieve excellence in their various fields of endeavor

Fighting for my dream is never easy..
But I'll work towards the success that I truely deserve..

Entry out.

2008-01-24T23:53:00.000-08:00

A Very Touching Story..

On the last day before Christmas, I hurried to go to
the supermarket to buy the remaining of the gift I didn't
manage to buy earlier.

When I saw all the people there, I started to
complain to myself,” It is going to take forever here and I still have so
many other places to go.

Christmas really is getting more and more annoying
every year. How I wish I could just lie down, go to sleep and only wake
up after it..."

Nonetheless, I made my way to the toy section, and
there I started to curse the prices, wondering if after all kids really
play with such expensive toys.

While looking in the toy section, I noticed a small boy of about 5 years old,
pressing a doll against his chest. He kept on touching the hair of the doll and looked so sad.
I wondered who this doll was for.

Then the little boy
turned to the old woman next to him, "Granny, are you sure I don't have
enough money?"

The old lady replied, "You know that you don't have
enough money to buy this doll, my dear."
Then she asked him to stay here for 5 minutes while
she went to look around. She left quickly.

The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.

Finally, I started to walk toward him and I asked him
who did he want to give this doll to.
"It is the doll that my sister loved most and wanted
so much for this Christmas. She was so sure that Santa Claus would
bring it to her."

I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus will bring it
to her, after all, and not to worry.

But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can not
bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my
mother so that she can give it to her when she goes there." His eyes
were so sad while saying this. "My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says
that Mummy will also go to see God very soon, so I thought that she
could bring the doll with her to give it to my sister."

My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at
me and said, "I told daddy to tell mummy not to go yet. I asked him
to wait until I come back from the supermarket."

Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he
was laughing. He then told me, "I also want mummy to take this photo
with her so that she will not forget me." I love my mummy and I wish
she doesn't have to leave me but daddy says that she has to go to be
with my little sister."

Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very
quietly.

I quickly reached for my wallet and took a few notes
and said to the boy, "What if we checked again, just in case if you
have enough money?"

"Ok," he said. "I hope that I have enough."

I added some of my money to his without him seeing

and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll, and even
some spare money.

The little boy said, "Thank you God for giving me
enough money."

Then he looked at me and added, "I asked yesterday
before I slept for God to make sure I have enough money to buy this doll
so that mummy can give it to my sister. He heard me." "I also
wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mummy, but I didn't
dare to ask God too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and
the white rose."

"You know, my mummy loves white rose."
A few minutes later, the old lady came again and I
left with my trolley. I finished my shopping in a totally
different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my
mind.

Then I remembered a local newspaper article 2 days
ago, which mentioned of a drunk man in a truck who hit a car
where there was one young lady and a little girl.

The little girl died
right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had
to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-assisting machine,
because the young lady would not be able to get out of the coma.
Was this the family of the little boy?

Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I
read in the newspaper that the young lady had passed away.
I couldn't stop myself and went to buy a bunch of
white roses and I went to the mortuary where the body of the young
woman was exposed for people to see and make last wish before burial.

She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her
hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her
chest.

I left the place crying, feeling that my life had
been changed forever. The love that this little boy had for his
mother and his sister is still, to that day, hard to imagine. And in
a fraction of a second, a drunk man had taken all this away from him.

Crying or Very sad
Dhanjith..........

Every now and then..
I'll remind myself to live my life to the fullest..
You'll never know when is your last day..

And if there's anyone whom you feel that you should love..
You should let your feelings known..

If you know what you worth..
Then go out and get what you worth..
Fight for your dreams..

For all we know..
Tomorrow may well be our very last day..
So live as though everyday is our last day..
Don't waste time on things that don't add value to your life..

"When you always stare at a tree..
You fail to see the whole forest.."

I'm a busy man..
I just reached home after my ACCA..

Blogging is just a "解脱" from my stressful lifestyle..

This semester is so crucial to me..
I'll challenge myself once again..

Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem In Memoriam:27, 1850:

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

Entry out.

2008-01-23T02:03:00.000-08:00

正所谓：“一山还有一山高”
当我们以为自己达到最高点时..
请三思..
看一下周围的您..
比你厉害的人多的是..
只有谦虚和正确的上进心..
才能战胜自己..

裕珂,

Entry out.